How To Get Your Ex Back – The Second Step
If you haven’t read step 1 yet, click here–> get your ex back.
Step 2Okay, know what-not to do – let’s focus on on we need to do to win back our ex.
The very first thing we need to do if we want to get win our ex back is end ALL communication.
Yes I know, it doesn’t seem right but stay with me…
I can hear you saying:
– “What if they find someone else?”
– “But I have to remind them how we’re meant to be together”
They WON’T forget you.
It is VERY hard to forget a person after a break up (you’re not forgetting your ex are you?) – well, it’s hard for them to forget you too.
They might look like they couldn’t care less and that they have moved on but on the inside they are likely to be hurting just as much as you.
They may start seeing someone else but as said back in Step 1 – these rebound relationships very often fizz out quickly.
This is not the end.
Yes, you will be talking to your ex, and hanging out once again – but only after a certain time period.
It may be a week, a fortnight or even some months – just depending on how long it’s been since you guys broke up.
IMPORTANT: You don’t actually tell them you are doing this. You just do it.
If you see each other because of work or church or some other reason just say Hi when you pass – no chats unless necessary (for something work related for example) but even then – keep things short and casual.
I am aware that some of you may have already endured a month of break up pain already but I need to encourage you NOT to skip ahead. I promise you there is no substitute for this process. Stay with the program – you will reap the rewards.
We must accept and realize that panicking will only sabotage all efforts to get our ex back. There is some practical help for keeping calm and cool at the end of Step 3.
Focus On Truth
It’s now time to think about WHY we want to get our ex back.
When we are in the midst of break up pain we can begin meditating on thoughts that quite simply aren’t true. Like -
– If I don’t get my ex back – I’ll die.
– I will NEVER find another one like them.
– I’ll never love again.
All NOT TRUE.
Life will go on with, or without our ex. And even if you didn’t get back with your ex, the truth is; you will love again.
This is not to say that we forget about our ex. This is just to point out that life will, and can be exciting and beautiful without our ex. As we embrace and walk in this truth – and as we love people, and love life (counting our blessings) – people will inevitably be attracted to us, and love us.
Do You Believe You Could Have A Healthy Relationship With Your Ex?
Think back (emotions-aside if possible) and think: How WAS our relationship?
Only you can call shots about this – you lived it.
Now – if you have weighed everything up and decided that your relationship IS worth the effort of saving, read on…
Here is another truth:
The Things That Caused Our Ex To Break Up With Us Will Cause Them To Break Up With Us Again If We Don’t Recognize These Things And Work On Them. (I Know: Ouch!)
Of course each break up is uniquely different but very often the real reason for the break up doesn’t come up during the break up. Often very lame excuses are given like “…it just isn’t working” or “…I don’t love you anymore”
Other times there are very obvious reasons for breaking up: like infidelity. If this is the case, have you thought why this came about?
Men and Women’s Differing Needs
It’s well known that men and women have very different needs in relationships. If we want to have a fulfilling, long lasting relationship it’s important that we make it our business to understand what our partner really needs.
Typically, and in very broad strokes: Men Need Respect, and Women Need Love. It is our job to find out what that man or woman (being our ex) actually really needs when it comes to respect and love. How do they (our ex) uniquely receive or want to receive that Love or Respect?
NOTE: We will not be using the: “I have changed now” tactic to win back our ex. Why? Because logic has very little bearing on emotionally charged situations like breaking up or getting back together.
The idea is that we work on our self initially, and as opportunities inevitably arise and timing is right, work on things together. It can happen, but we have to begin with ourselves.
Time To Shape Up, Get Social, And Have Some Fun
Here are 3 things you need to do before contacting your ex:
#1 Get Outside
Even it’s walking – just get outside and get moving. Doing this will clear your head and help get everything in perspective.
It’s a great time to start eating better and getting out and about. It’s amazing how a little change in eating habits and exercise can just naturally force your body to go towards a healthier shape and weight.
Exercise does kill stress, and it certainly helps you look and feel better. Even after three or four days you’ll notice a difference. It’s important to make sure you get into a routine that you enjoy and are able to stick too. Half an hour a day is enough – even 45 minutes every second day is fine – just get out there and get moving.
#2 Get Social
That’s in person, not online. This is an excellent time to catch up with good friends and start enjoying the things you love to do (or re-discover the things you love to do).
#3 Get Busy
Do what you like to do – or love to do. Get back into your hobby and/or your passion – if not, discover a new hobby or passion.
Although these things might seem a bit trivial or typical, they are VERY important in the middle of a break up. Doing the above WILL make you more attractive to your ex, and you’ll like yourself more too because you’ll feel and look healthy and be more confident.
Are You Ready For Step 3?
By the end of this “No Contact” period you’ll be in a totally new place. You’ll be thinking clearly, your emotions will have balanced out somewhat – maybe even your ex has wondered if they’ve done the right thing in breaking up with you.
You’ll now be in a good position to decide whether or not you really want to get back with your ex – and ready to move on with Step 3…